I was talking to a friend just the other day and said something to him that really stuck with me:
We do not live in a vacuum.
Other people affect our lives so much, whether we want them to or not. Their actions and words have great consequences, as do ours. It’s something that made me realize two things: one, I cannot change other people, but I can change how I react to them; two, I need to be more careful myself.
First, I cannot control others, but I have full and complete control over how much power I give other people over me. I cannot count how many times I have been happy and in a great mood only to have it instantly reduced to soul crushing depression by someone else. But that is not living a blessed life. That is not being grateful for what I have. That is giving other people undue control over myself and my emotions. Of course, I will get upset, sad, or pissed off because of other people, but I can’t let that get carried away. Especially when those people don’t matter to me. I am thinking of one person in particular, but this is a universal truth. I don’t have to let them make me so upset or mad. I can take a minute to stop and acknowledge my feelings- which I think is an important thing to do, since we need to validate all of our feelings- and then move on, not sit and stew in the depths of despair. “For to despair is to lose sight of God” (or something along those lines).
Second, I need to constantly keep in mind my influence on others. Moods, feelings, and energy are all contagious, especially when negatively charged. I have seen it work so many times, how my bad mood or attitude instantly sours another’s. And of course, the opposite is true as well. Laughs and smiles spread faster than cooties. So, what sort of impact do I want to have on those in my life? How do I want others to view me? Do I want to be the one people avoid because I am always complaining and bringing everyone down with me, or do I want to be the one people can’t wait to see because I’m a freaking ray of sparkling sunshine and rainbows all the time? I’d rather be annoying for being a happy person than just plain annoying.
So now, when something upsets me or gets me down, I’m going to feel that way for a few seconds and then move on. Because eff that noise, I have better things to do with my time. This is what I’m working on right now. Wish me luck and have a beautiful day! (If you live in the Lansing area, go out and enjoy the weather)
It's hard to remember to do that, but it really is so important. When my kids are being extra crazy, I try to remember that they have so much going on in their life and impacting them - things they have little to no control over - and that they're just doing the best they can to get through it.
ReplyDeleteGood point, made above: in Interpersonal Communication we called it the "Primary Attribution Error" when we forget to factor circumstances into peoples behavior and assume its intrinsic to them. Sometimes it is but it takes a relationship to tell the difference between what's natural for someone and what their experiences are compelling them to act-out.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm glad to see that you're easing into the role of blogger. I look forward to some stories and the analysis that comes with them.